A Journey Towards Cat Ladydom

Eleanor Abernathy:
When she was eight, she was a smart and ambitions young girl who wanted to be both a lawyer and a doctor “because a woman can do anything.” She was studying for law school at 16, and by 24, she had earned an MD from Harvard Medical School and a JD from Yale Law School. However, by 32, suffering from burnout, she had turned to alcohol and became obsessed with her pet cat, Buster. By the time she turned 40, she had assumed her present state as a drunken, raving lunatic—entering full Cat Ladydom.
The Cat Lady enjoys “brief moments of lucidity” after taking psychotropic medications. She abruptly resumes her usual bizarre behavior when someone mentions that the “pills” are actually Reese’s Pieces. Her medication helps her speak intelligibly rather than her usual gibberish. She has a hoarding disorder, collecting both objects and cats alike.
Even without medication, she appears to be very intelligent. When the mayor is recalled, she runs for office. During a candidate debate, she is asked what public-policy issues are important to her. Unlike the other candidates (who at as stereotypical dishonest politicians), Cat Lady discusses issues such as health care, economy, and public education in between her screams and gibberish (and a call for cats “in everyone’s pants”).

How does one refrain from taking this journey towards Cat Ladydom? I assure you that as a successful single woman who received full custody of two cats in a divorce, I have been warned by many to be mindful of this slippery slope. Protective factors that I have include; having only one degree in higher education, I’m only 28, I frequently down-size my belongings, and I have remained purrfectly content with only two cats for the past year. So does my state of singledom automatically increase my risk factor for full reliance on cats for companionship? According to my peers, it most certainly does.

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11 responses to “A Journey Towards Cat Ladydom

  1. Reblogged this on THE LITERARY MAN and commented:
    The Catlady novel must be written. America demands it!

  2. Protective factors I put into place; don’t name any of your cats after ex-boyfriends, don’t give your wine glass a name, only have one pair of slippers and replace them regularly, wash… However. I’m married now – so does this mean I’m free to forget about the above?

    • This is a good question. I was never “warned” until I was single. Maybe it’s like being predisposed to an illness? So a human partner is the highest of all protective factors, like a vaccine. Haha

      • Well, I always need something inspiring to write in “love” cards (V-day/ anniversary). This year I can write; “thanks for biologically improving my immunity to crazy cat lady status”.
        Trouble is, said husband works away for at least 60% of the year and I still get “warned” – so that means being married doesn’t really count. He has to physically be with me at all times for the vaccine to work properly 🙂

  3. Ahhh!!! There is a vaccine?!! I am told (by my significant other) that I am in terrible danger. I have only two (Jack and Lillith) but SO assumes that just because I squeeze myself carefully out of bed to pee in the middle of the night so as not to disturb Jack (who spends most of the night either pushing me off of “his” side of the bed or trying to sleep on top of me) that I have a problem. I’m sure that all cat owners let their cats drape themselves on their shoulders while they brush their teeth. Don’t they?

    • 1. You get a whole side? I get a corner.
      2. I thought it was normal to take turns with the sink in the morning. I brush my teeth, they drink, I wash my face, etc.

  4. I always worry about this, only instead cats, my scenario includes a shopping cart that I push down the street, and two big circles of rouge on my cheeks. It also involves talking to myself a lot.

    Kelly, I really love your blog, and the way you express yourself. Glad I found my way here.

  5. Is someone going to stand up for hamsters?? 😀

  6. I believe that it is genetic so it’s worth while looking into your family past to see what lurks in the corners. My grandmother had bags full of bra hardware and socks without feet (I don’t believe I ever saw her knit) that were part of the treasure she left when she died – no cats though….

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