Tag Archives: Gamblor

Las Vegas: Sin (Read Highly Debaucherous) City

We made it to Vegas around 7pm. The strip was glowing. We checked in to our very glamorous Motel 6 (which was pet friendly) and got dressed for the evenings festivities. Captain was a champ and Holden hid under the bed. We decided to head to Fremont St. since we were informed that this was where we would find “Old Vegas.” Upon our arrival, we walked into the light show that happens at the top of the hour. Everyone was standing around starring at the ceiling while smoking and drinking from those weird tubes that look like miniature water towers…liquor towers I suppose. Babette and I shuffled down a few yards to pop into the Starbucks which was more cost effective and more desirable than the liquor towers. While inside the Starbucks, which adjoined a casino–because everything adjoined a casino–I noted that there were people smoking inside. Also of note, there were lots of children running around. You know, small kids, like 5-8 years old. Babette and I continued to wander down the street, past the weird non-official performers, with no real desire to enter any of these “old casinos.” All of a sudden two adult men began assaulting one another. There was quite the crowd of on-lookers, but the men began to run and dash about while attempting to maul each other so I shuffled Babette away. It’s generally my concern in those situations that a firearm might present itself, which may lead to stray bullets. Needless to say, whether my fear is rational or not, there really isn’t any good reason to stand around watching drunk men assault each other. Did I mention there were small children around? So apparently a whole slew of parents were trying to decide between Disneyland and Vegas for their family trip and they went for Vegas. Like a lot. It was at this moment when I checked my Life360 app. My dad had requested that I use this app to be able to check in and track my trip and safety along the journey, but the app has several features that both should and shouldn’t be used. In the midst of this sinfully aggressive and child-filled street, I checked the app which showed the surrounding registered sex offenders, crime alerts, and fires in the area. Useful yes, but once you see how many registered sex offenders with FULL PROFILES AND PICTURES there are, you began to worry that everyone around you is a chi-mo. This isn’t even funny. It was really not funny because of all of the parents who decided to bring their young children to Vegas as a vacation, the parents who had liquor towers in one hand and a child in the other.  Sure, I may be a little conservative about this whole Vegas ordeal, but I’m okay with that. Perhaps I’m just past the point in my life where it seems appealing to spend $50 on a liquor tower, only to stumble around between the sex offenders and pre-traumatized children…but that’s just me.

So we cabbed our way to Caesar’s Palace for dinner, never to speak of Fremont St. again (not really). Dinner was fabulous. We made our way to the 1 cent slot machines and in total gambled $20. The earnings documented below were quickly lost. I figured that was a pretty good limit, and that allowed for enough time to have one complementary martini. We were high class slot jockeys. I couldn’t help but continue to quote one of the most notable Simpsons episodes ever, $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) from Season 5.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGc3ZEBmzEQ]

I’m glad that we went through Vegas. One of those things one does for the experience. I can say with confidence however, that it really is the most debaucherous city I’ve visited.

It is safe to assume I will plan for Disneyland when it comes time for family vacations.